Alcohol – A Theory
The problem with a regular diet of alcohol, at least for me, is that I do less and need less to feel alive.
Those two things, doing less and needing less, cannibalize each other in a parasitic cycle that gives one the illusion that he is participating in life.
Hell, what’s the problem with doing less and needing less? While others are out there chasing their tails in the rat race, I can do a hundred different things without ever leaving my easy chair. I still handle the daily chores and family responsibilities. I’m not a drunk. I can finish a bottle of wine and engage in a intellectual debate without a single slur of my speech. So, what’s the problem?
Well actually, there are three problems. The first is that in needing less and doing less, I have no motivation or energy to mess with the status quo. Why bother looking for a problem? Why rock the boat that floats merrily down a stream of Chardonnay?
The second problem is that I’ve bought into a lie that sober life has nothing to offer that would give me more spiritual fulfillment than a few glasses of wine. The issue there is that I don’t know what I don’t know. Am I really willing to live out my life without ever finding out for sure?
The third and last problem is this self-cannibalizing cycle of need-less/do-less. We can assume that it is fueled by alcohol, like a car is fueled by gas. As the “need-less” and the “do-less” continue to consume each other, they must always get back into a state of balance. That’s just the way of our Yin and Yang universe. If I want to do less, but I need more, then I have two choices: I can start to do more, or I can fuel the “need-less” side of my equation with alcohol. Either choice gets it back in balance. Hmmm, it’s easier to have a drink than to do more. Wow, that decision was easy!
I’ve convinced myself that a few glasses of wine a night for a retiree like me are not a big deal. In fact, it has become what I look forward to nearly every evening. Luckily for me, I have a brain with an intellect that fights to prevail regardless of how much I try to numb it. And that intellect tells me that as long as the “need-less” and “do-less” continue to require increasing levels of fuel, I will theoretically arrive at a place where I will need nothing and do nothing. A living death, and eventually… a dead death.
For me, today is Day-7 without a drink. Hey, I have to test this stupid theory out, don’t I?